A while ago, I promised my friend Imani Gandy that I would come up with parody song about Mitt Romney, so here it is.
Boardroom Mittz sung to the tune of Ballroom Blitz by Sweet.
Are you ready?
Oh, Mitt’s been getting so hard
Thinking of the things he‘ll do to you, aha
He dreams of being POTUS
Cause he’s run out of businesses to screw
Oh, He sees Ann’s got his back
As a matter of fact, her eyes are as red as a sun
She’s the girl in the corner, let no one ignore her
Cause she thinks ‘you people’ are dumb
Oh yeah, the party was fighting
Everybody was frightening
False promises are soothing
And they all started grooving
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And Ann at Mitt’s back said
Time to attack and he turned into a Boardroom Mittz
And Paul Ryan in the corner said
Barack Not gonna warn ya, he’s turning into Boardroom Mittz
Boardroom Mittz
Boardroom Mittz
Boardroom Mittz
Boardroom Mittz
He’s speaking out on something,
Saying nothing is all he’ll ever do
He’ll quietly take you over
When you appear for work there's nothing left to do
Now Ann at his back
Is ready to crack as she raises her hands to the sky
She’s the dressage horse owner, the taxman can’t corner
She could kill you with a wink of her eye
Oh yeah, he runs on electric
His positions eclectic
His lies he’s believing
'Cause the truth is so fleeting
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And the Ann at his back said
Time to attack and he turned into Boardroom Mittz
And Paul Ryan in the corner said
Barack not gonna warn ya, he’ll turn into Boardroom Mittz
Boardroom Mittz
Oh yeah, the party was fighting
Everybody was frightening
False promises are soothing
And they all started grooving
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And Ann at his back said
Time to attack and he turned into Boardroom Mittz
And Paul Ryan in the corner said
Barack not gonna warn ya, he’ll turn into Boardroom Mittz
Boardroom Mittz
Boardroom Mittz
Boardroom Mittz
Boardroom Mittz
Boardroom Mittz
Ooh, it's, it's Boardroom Mittz
It's, it's Boardroom Mittz
It's, it's Boardroom Mittz
Yeah, it's Boardroom Mittz
You're welcome.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Why I Fight the War on Women Part 11 Billionity and 1
It seems that a week doesn't go by that somebody doesn't say some stupid fucking shit about women and their right to choose. This week's winner is Tom Smith, GOP candidate for Senator in the great state of Pennsylvania. (Side note, what the fuck is up with Pennsylvania? Between this fucktard and Penn State, I swear these people need to be carpet bombed. Aside from the fact that the Angry Black Lady, Imani Gandy comes from Philly, I'd say there isn't one damned sane person from the state.)
Anyway back to this weeks douchecanoe, Tom Smith had this to say at the Pennsylvania Press Club when "condemning" Todd Akin's comments. First he said Akin was wrong about the "legitimate" rape comment but he agreed with no abortion in any instance, including instances of rape and incest. It gets better:
MARK SCOLFORO, ASSOCIATED PRESS: How would you tell a daughter or a granddaughter who, God forbid, would be the victim of a rape, to keep the child against her own will? Do you have a way to explain that?
SMITH: I lived something similar to that with my own family. She chose life, and I commend her for that. She knew my views. But, fortunately for me, I didn’t have to.. she chose they way I thought. No don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t rape.
SCOLFORO: Similar how?
SMITH: Uh, having a baby out of wedlock.
SCOLFORO: That’s similar to rape?
SMITH: No, no, no, but… put yourself in a father’s situation, yes. It is similar. But, back to the original, I’m pro-life, period.
So glad that's all cleared up. What a dumb fucking thing to say. Since I'm a father of two daughters, I can put myself in "a father's position' for this one.
First off, if my girls have sex and get pregnant out of wedlock I won't bat an eye. My wife and I have raised and will continue to raise them to make good choices. If they make a choice we don't agree with, that doesn't make it a bad choice, it makes it their choice. We will love and respect them and will support them no matter how their lives turn out.
Secondly, if they get pregnant and choose an abortion for any reason, we'll support that choice. It's their choice, that's what these Teabillie idiots completely want to do away with. They can't stand the fact that women are equal to men and should be treated as such in all ways.
They can't stand the fact that women won't simply look pretty and shut up. They really can't stand that the black guy in the Oval Office believes that women are equal. In their minds President Obama is an amalgamation of 'where da white wimmen at?' and 'mind if we dance wif yo dates?" They hate him that badly. Correction, they hate his skin color that badly.
These stupid neanderthal motherfuckers like Akin and Smith don't represent the fringe of the GOP. Banning abortion is in their goddamned Party Platform. Don't let the jobs stuff blind you. They want to take away women's choice once and for all.
Finally my 'father's position' if my girls get raped? I'm gonna go with a mashup of Liam Neeson's characters in Taken and The Grey, I'll call it "I'm Gonna Find That Fucker and Kill Him" .
Anyway back to this weeks douchecanoe, Tom Smith had this to say at the Pennsylvania Press Club when "condemning" Todd Akin's comments. First he said Akin was wrong about the "legitimate" rape comment but he agreed with no abortion in any instance, including instances of rape and incest. It gets better:
MARK SCOLFORO, ASSOCIATED PRESS: How would you tell a daughter or a granddaughter who, God forbid, would be the victim of a rape, to keep the child against her own will? Do you have a way to explain that?
SMITH: I lived something similar to that with my own family. She chose life, and I commend her for that. She knew my views. But, fortunately for me, I didn’t have to.. she chose they way I thought. No don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t rape.
SCOLFORO: Similar how?
SMITH: Uh, having a baby out of wedlock.
SCOLFORO: That’s similar to rape?
SMITH: No, no, no, but… put yourself in a father’s situation, yes. It is similar. But, back to the original, I’m pro-life, period.
So glad that's all cleared up. What a dumb fucking thing to say. Since I'm a father of two daughters, I can put myself in "a father's position' for this one.
First off, if my girls have sex and get pregnant out of wedlock I won't bat an eye. My wife and I have raised and will continue to raise them to make good choices. If they make a choice we don't agree with, that doesn't make it a bad choice, it makes it their choice. We will love and respect them and will support them no matter how their lives turn out.
Secondly, if they get pregnant and choose an abortion for any reason, we'll support that choice. It's their choice, that's what these Teabillie idiots completely want to do away with. They can't stand the fact that women are equal to men and should be treated as such in all ways.
They can't stand the fact that women won't simply look pretty and shut up. They really can't stand that the black guy in the Oval Office believes that women are equal. In their minds President Obama is an amalgamation of 'where da white wimmen at?' and 'mind if we dance wif yo dates?" They hate him that badly. Correction, they hate his skin color that badly.
These stupid neanderthal motherfuckers like Akin and Smith don't represent the fringe of the GOP. Banning abortion is in their goddamned Party Platform. Don't let the jobs stuff blind you. They want to take away women's choice once and for all.
Finally my 'father's position' if my girls get raped? I'm gonna go with a mashup of Liam Neeson's characters in Taken and The Grey, I'll call it "I'm Gonna Find That Fucker and Kill Him" .
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Why I Fight the War on Women part 11 billionity
A while back I posted a bit about why I fight the War on Women that is being waged by the GOP and the Teabillie idiots. I wrote about here and here. I love my daughters and my wife and this shit has got to stop.
Today in what can be called the DUMBEST FUCKING THING EVER UTTERED by a politician, Representative Todd Akin (R-Doucherocket Teabag) of Missouri had this to say about abortion in the case of rape:
“First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape] is really rare,” Akin told KTVI-TV in an interview posted Sunday. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” Akin said that even in the worst-case scenario — when the supposed natural protections against unwanted pregnancy fail — abortion should still not be a legal option for the rape victim. “Let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work, or something,” Akin said. “I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.”
Let that sink in for one fucking second before you remember that newly minted Vice Presidential Candidate Paul Ryan believes essentially the same thing. In fact Ryan goes even further because he sponsored the Personhood Amendment in the house. He also helped author the "forcible rape" language that was later dropped in the Planned Parenthood funding flap. Ryan believes in no abortion. Period. Not in the case of rape, incest, health of the mother, non-viable fetus, NOT IN ONE FUCKING INSTANCE does Paul Ryan, Vice Presidential candidate of a major political party believe that abortion should occur. As if to add insult to rape, he also believes in no birth control.
The GOP has a long tradition of believing that government should mind its own business with regards to what individuals do. Unfortunately this has never been the case if that individual is a woman. The assault on women's choice, women's pay and even women's fucking healthcare has become overwhelming since 2010.
I for one will not stand idly by while people like Representative Akin and Vice Presidential Candidate Ryan lead the assault on the basic freedoms that should be enjoyed by all women.
Fortunately we all have "a way to shut the whole thing (in this case the GOP) down" We vote for Democrats from dog catcher to the goddamned White House. My wife and daughters mean everything to me and they deserve no less.
Today in what can be called the DUMBEST FUCKING THING EVER UTTERED by a politician, Representative Todd Akin (R-Doucherocket Teabag) of Missouri had this to say about abortion in the case of rape:
“First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape] is really rare,” Akin told KTVI-TV in an interview posted Sunday. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” Akin said that even in the worst-case scenario — when the supposed natural protections against unwanted pregnancy fail — abortion should still not be a legal option for the rape victim. “Let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work, or something,” Akin said. “I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.”
Let that sink in for one fucking second before you remember that newly minted Vice Presidential Candidate Paul Ryan believes essentially the same thing. In fact Ryan goes even further because he sponsored the Personhood Amendment in the house. He also helped author the "forcible rape" language that was later dropped in the Planned Parenthood funding flap. Ryan believes in no abortion. Period. Not in the case of rape, incest, health of the mother, non-viable fetus, NOT IN ONE FUCKING INSTANCE does Paul Ryan, Vice Presidential candidate of a major political party believe that abortion should occur. As if to add insult to rape, he also believes in no birth control.
The GOP has a long tradition of believing that government should mind its own business with regards to what individuals do. Unfortunately this has never been the case if that individual is a woman. The assault on women's choice, women's pay and even women's fucking healthcare has become overwhelming since 2010.
I for one will not stand idly by while people like Representative Akin and Vice Presidential Candidate Ryan lead the assault on the basic freedoms that should be enjoyed by all women.
Fortunately we all have "a way to shut the whole thing (in this case the GOP) down" We vote for Democrats from dog catcher to the goddamned White House. My wife and daughters mean everything to me and they deserve no less.
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