Teaching Kids That LGBTQI+ People Exist Isn't 'Grooming'.

It's been a minute since I wrote about anything.  It feels like I've forgotten how.  Sometimes issues come up that need my professional and personal perspective.  This is one of those times.  

In response to companies like Disney and Apple protesting the Florida 'Don't Say Gay" law,  many on the right including most of FOX News, have taken to calling Corporations and people who oppose the law, 'Groomers'.  The use of this term is intentionally inflammatory and used by the right to equate Gay people with child molesters.

I've been investigating child abuse in Western Illinois for DCFS for 28 years.  I'm a certified Forensic Interviewer.  Forensic Interviews are a specific type of interview to use with victims of sexual abuse.  So I can say without hesitation that teaching children that gay people exist is NOT grooming.

It should be noted that Florida already doesn't let sexual education classes start before 6th grade.  The idea that teachers are actively teaching kids in K-3rd grade about gay sex is ridiculous. Teaching kids that there are people who love each other and get married or stay in relationships with people of the same sex is not child abuse.  

What is child abuse are laws being put in place to deny rights to gay people.  Imagine being a parent of a trans child.  You encourage them or at minimum accept their being who they are.  You support them getting hormone therapy when they are 15 or 16.  In Texas this could get your child taken away and you pit in jail. 

My youngest child, Greyson (formerly Rowan) is non-binary.  They don't identify with either binary gender. We didn't groom them to be NB, they just are.  I guarantee you that I will support their life and their ability to exist and thrive.  

The GOP and FOX have recently started accusing Disney of 'grooming' children to be LGBTQI+.  Disney has made statements that they support peoples lifestyles.  The term grooming in this context is very dangerous and homophobic.  In the the 60's, 70s., and 80s,  people genuinely believed that gay "rubbed off" on people.  In reality you can't "catch gay".  You either are or you're not. 

Grooming is a specific term in my business used to describe getting a child comfortable with sexual abuse.  Grooming can be done within a family or without.  

The traffickers that Q Anon and the GOP is so concerned with, groom teens with money and drugs. It should be noted that traffickers don't have a political affiliation, despite what the GOP may think. They traffic kids to adults and the don't care who the adult voted for. 

Grooming also happens in families.  Parents who abuse their children groom them too.  It's subtle, and it takes time, but very few parents immediately start actively abusing their children.  The best analogy I can think of is foreplay between adults, only over a longer period of time. 

Equating grooming, with companies like Disney speaking out about discriminatory laws is a new low.  Laws like those in Florida and Texas pretend to protect children from "abuse".  A child who is LGBTQI+ isn't abused by living their truth.  What is child abuse is forcing a non gender conforming kid to conform to these arbitrary laws.  

 Depression In Teens

By Rowan Perion

Depression in teens is more common than some people may think. Some parents may not notice their teenager going through a depressive stage, or they may just think their teen is just being “moody” or it’s “just hormones”. In reality it is so much more than that. About 1 in 5 teenagers suffer from clinical depression. 

How Parents Can Affect Their Child’s Depression and How They Can Help.

Many parents do not believe their children when they’re depressed, they usually say something along the lines of “Oh it’s fine, it’s just normal teenager things,” or “You’re fine, kids your age don’t get depressed.” Words like those can cause your teen to go into even more of a depressive state. As stated in the article How Parents Affect Their Child’s Mental Health, “Meanwhile, parenting with a critical, dismissive tone can dampen children’s self-esteem and lead to anxiety or depression.” Telling your child what they’re feeling is invalid is very harmful and can lead to more hurt and anxiousness.

As a teen with depression I know how hard it is to speak up. I know how it feels to be scared to tell someone, especially a parent, how you’re feeling. If your teen works up the confidence to come and tell you how they feel then you should listen to them. Listening to them can help so much. Also let your child know that it’s okay, provide some hope in the situation. “Let your teenager know that depression is a treatable illness. It is an illness like diabetes. They shouldn’t feel ashamed, and they shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help. There is help,” Joanna Bridger says in the article Why it’s Important to Pay Attention to Teen Depression. If you express to your teen that you understand and it will be okay, then you just gave them some of the best help they’ve received. 

Why Are Teens Depressed So Often?

Teens go through a lot throughout their daily lives. Believe it or not they have many reasons to be depressed. I promise you, your child isn't exaggerating when they’re talking about how they feel. “There are multiple reasons why a teenager might become depressed. For example, teens can develop feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy over their grades. School performance, social status with peers, sexual orientation, or family life can each have a major effect on how a teen feels. Sometimes, teen depression may result from environmental stress,” Debra Fulgum Bruce states in the article Teen Depression.

Some teenagers may experience bullying for things like looks, sexual orientation, etc, which can contribute to depression quite a bit. I know when some things about the way I looked were brought up to me I felt hurt. I started to see myself differently, not in a good way. Many teens also struggle with school work. Sometimes it’s hard for them to get their work in on time and with all those assignments and different due dates stacking up they can get stressed. “Teens think they are invincible, so when they feel psychological pain, they are more apt to feel overwhelmed by hopelessness and the belief that they have no control over their lives,” Tony Jurich said to the Portland Press Herald. Having so many things to keep up with and worry about is difficult. I myself get overwhelmed with the amount of work and other tasks I have throughout the day. 

Warning Signs of Depression and What Can be Done to Help Treat it. 

Yes, being able to tell if your teen is depressed or may have depression is hard, but there are signs that can be seen. In an article for World of Psychology, Borchard lists these common indicators of depression among teens:

• Sadness or hopelessness

• Low self-esteem

• Sluggishness (less active)

• Substance abuse

• Spending more time alone (this includes time alone from you as parents and time away from their regular friends)

• Decrease in desire to do things they used to like to do (sports, activities, hobbies)

• Physical ailments (headaches, appetite problems, sleeping problems)

• Problems in school (falling grades, getting into trouble, not paying attention in class)

• Talking about death or suicide (never to be taken lightly)

• Not caring about appearance

• Running away from home

Don’t worry, there are ways to help your child get better. Start by seeing a doctor. Depression symptoms likely won’t get better on their own. If you’re worried about your child you can go to a doctor to see what they might have in mind that can help. Debra Bradlet Ruder states in Why It’s Important to Pay Attention to Teen Depression, “A handful of antidepressants, which act on brain chemicals, are approved for teens, and their use should be closely monitored.

Various types of psychotherapy (talk therapy) exist, and it’s important to find a good match, as therapy is a relationship that requires trust and connection. Formal treatment aside, physical activities such as dance, yoga, or team sports can also make a significant difference.” I was put on an antidepressant and within 2-3 months I became less depressed, more social, more motivated, etc. I also went to a therapist and talking to her was one of the best things I had experienced through my depressive states. She helped a lot and cared about how I felt. 

All in all teen depression is serious and shouldn’t be taken lightly. If you see your teen may be depressed, try to help. Help will never hurt and it’s always good to try. 

 

Sources:

https://integrisok.com/resources/on-your-health/2021/may/how-parents-affect-their-child-mental-health  

https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/teen-depression  

https://www.teenlife.com/blog/paying-attention-teen-depression/ 

https://discoverymood.com/blog/todays-teens-depressed-ever/  

https://www.mhanational.org/depression-teens-0 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/teen-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20350985#:~:text=Teen%20depression%20is%20a%20serious,emotional%2C%20functional%20and%20physical%20problems.